Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The Glorious Guest Post: Best Kings of All-Time?

Hello, friends. My name is Ted, and I don't often write on this site; rather, I typically write on this one. Come by and see me sometime. I crave acceptance.


It's a lazy Hump Day here in my living room, consisting of me mindlessly cruising the Internet, sipping a Corona Light, and marveling over the fact that I had vegetarian Indian food for dinner... and liked it. Meanwhile, the NESN telecast of Red Sox vs. Mariners is on a low hum in the background. The game was supposed to be a showcase of Japanese superstars in Dice K and Ichiro (and to a lesser extent, that Mariners catcher).

Instead, a funny thing happened on the way to the multi-national flashbulb convergence: Felix Hernandez - "King" Felix, mind you - had other plans. He tossed a complete game one hitter to stifle one of the better offenses (and teams) in baseball, one day after they hung a 14-3 whupping on his Pacific Northwest crew. Hernandez, who is about 1/4 of the age of Julio Franco, has had a good season thus far (there ain't much else on the Mariners): he K'ed 12 on Opening Day, and now this.

So, it got me thinking: who is the best - most worthwhile, let's say - "King" in sports?

King James: The obvious contender, LeBron James actually made his NBA debut against the Sacramento Kings, in what had to be some type of sign from whatever religious deity you happen to believe in. He did well, and uh, he's continued to do so. He's even got the whole MJ "Can't solve the Pistons early in his career, even though he elevated his team already to the level of challenging them" thing going on. It's almost too cute to watch. His dunks are breath-taking, his shoddy defense is defendable by pundits until it reaches a breaking point, and he's the most marketable cat in the entire world, sans MJ himself. He might just be the most worthy of his "King" nickname.

The Kings themselves: No, no, no. I'm not talking about the Los Angeles Kings. The last time they were relevant, so was Marty McSorley, and Wayne Gretzky was doing more than whispering sweet nothings (and horse racing tips) in his wife's ear. I'm talking about the early millenium Sacramento Kings (or the "Queens" as Shaq might say), who re-energized Arco Arena behind a dynamic pass and pass and pass and shoot offense led by Webber, Peja, and the rapidly-approaching-career-shark-jumping Bibby. Ahmad Rahad opened a Western Conference playoff game in 2002, screaming over an image of rabid fans in Sac-Town, "The Kings have single handedly made basketball fun again." Well, uh, I think Kobe and Shaq helped too, but the Kings were certainly fun to watch - the Blazers, but ten years later, and with a better PF (sorry, Buck). The fact that they never actually got over the hump kind of hurts them here.

King Kong Bundy: In an era when the immobile fat ass was king for Vince McMahon, King Kong Bundy had a good run. He main-evented 1/3 of WrestleMania II (that was the weird 'Mania broadcast from three locations), taking on Hulk Hogan in a steel cage match, which he invariably lost. He had the classically entertaining Bobby Heenan as his mouthpiece, and later in his career, when he returned to the WWE, he got a big match with Undertaker at WrestleMania XI (he lost that one too) and had DiBiase as his moto-mouth. He weighed about 450 pounds in his heyday, and went at it with Andre the Giant too. He existed in an era for wrestling when girth meant everything, and your ability to sell a storyline was secondary. You sneak attacked a babyface, they got hurt, and they came back and beat your ass. He didn't have much to work with, but he was a spectacle. You gotta at least include the brother, no?

Macho King Randy Savage: In the same vein, Randy Savage was the "Macho King," although it should be noted he only used this moniker for a very specific period of his career. He defeated potentially retarded Hacksaw Jim Duggan for some Burger King style crown he wore around, and then proclaimed himself "The Macho King." This led to his mixed-gender feuds with Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire, and later the incredibly intense battles with Ultimate Warrior. The peak of Savage's career, though, was probably the WrestleMania IV era, when he won the tournament to grab his first World Heavyweight Title. During his "Macho King" days, he was a jackass with an ugly valet. I can't rank him that highly; his WCW days were seemingly even better.

Rex Hudler: Rex means King, no? Hudler was the ultimate utility man (sorry, Bip) in the 1980s and early 1990s, and is now a fairly sweet commentator for the Angels. Much as he was called "Wonder Dog" and also "Worm Eater" (for his penchant for downing worms as a delicacy in Japanese ball clubhouse), he loves to dish out the generic nickname, calling John Lackey "Big John," for example. Rex was Lenny Dystrka, with less flair and on the west coast, before it was truly cool to be Lenny Dystrka (I loved Dystrka with the Mets, but I think he reached his "sweetness peak" with those early 1990s Phillies teams). He rates high amongst my kings.

Henrik Lundqvist: I just read, via Google, that some people call him "King Henrik." That's laughable. The Thrashers will red light this guy into Swedish obscurity. He is Swedish, right?

Arnold Palmer: This is a more generic nickname, although I have a sneaking suspiscion Palmer has probably asked a hooker somewhere during his career to call him "Golden Bear," just to see how it sounds. Palmer won a ton of events, was golf's first TV star, and has things - tournaments, awards, etc - named after him, which is the ultimate nod to you within a sport you competed in. He's definitely a worthwhile King.

My take right now? Palmer at the 1 slot, James at the 2, Sacramento circa '02 at the 3, Rex Hudler somewhere beyond that, King Felix coming up on the outside (can you imagine if this guy gets big money from a major market in a few years? He could either combust like Gooden or take off like Koufax, only with a longer, and ostensibly less Jewish, career), and Lundqvist way back on the Q.

Your take, now? I am sure I missed a crapload of people, including a bunch of figure skaters and European-born race car drivers I wouldn't know if they busted in my house right now doing the Macarena (which might be the most interesting that's happened to me in weeks).


57 comments:

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.ecotech.kiev.ua/forum/index.php?topic=326.new#new]fab Louis Vuitton pasta or something[/url]
[url=http://ladiesofnogales.com/forum/index.php?topic=101019.new#new]your leather handbag only you need to first[/url]
[url=http://vtater.com/nortater/index.php?topic=212370.new#new]Maybe you thin rub the damp[/url]
[url=http://nfs.gameguru.ru/forum/showthread.php?2149-Buy-Plan-B-Online-Without-Prescription&p=9809&posted=1#post9809]before washing. Remember techniques to wash[/url]
[url=http://www.dl4all.net/topic/89966-hi/page__gopid__94939#entry94939]soap from your leather handbag something important[/url]

Anonymous said...

generic viagra online prescription viagra buy online - viagra 4 sale

Anonymous said...

viagra online without prescription generic viagra mastercard accepted - buy viagra online us no prescription

Anonymous said...

order viagra order viagra and cialis online - how does viagra for women

Anonymous said...

soma muscle relaxant discount builders soma - soma san diego stage

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma drug definition - what is a soma considered as on a drug test

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma medical spa - aura soma online store

Anonymous said...

somas online buy soma online legal - soma norodom

Anonymous said...

soma cheap soma san diego pierce the veil - soma holiday

Anonymous said...

discount soma soma zero offset seatpost - buy real somatropin

Anonymous said...

soma muscle relaxant buy soma 350 mg - soma medication

Anonymous said...

buy soma soma tampa - snorting soma muscle relaxer

Anonymous said...

buy soma online no prescription soma muscle relaxer generic - soma san diego tickets door

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma san diego layout - soma 650b

Anonymous said...

buy soma online cheap soma online no prescription - history of soma san diego

Anonymous said...

buy soma buy aura soma australia - aura soma 94

Anonymous said...

buy soma online what drug class is soma - buy soma cheap

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis 5mg dosage - generic cialis approved fda

Anonymous said...

buy soma online soma korean - buy soma online usa

Anonymous said...

where to buy tramadol tramadol causes high blood pressure - can you overdose tramadol 50mg

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online www.cialis coupon - order cialis at online pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy cialis what does generic cialis look like - generic cialis online pharmacy

Anonymous said...

tramadol 50 mg tramadol online without rx - tramadol hydrochloride high

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online viagra cialis price difference - cheap viagra cialis us

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online boompanjang blogspot buy tramadol online - cheap 100mg tramadol

Anonymous said...

generic xanax buying xanax without prescription' - xanax effects recreational use

Anonymous said...

xanax online xanax klonopin side effects - 3mg xanax effects

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol can u buy tramadol over counter - buy tramadol no prescription overnight

Anonymous said...

buy carisoprodol carisoprodol dosage maximum - carisoprodol buy online

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol buy tramadol hydrochloride online - high on tramadol 50mg

Anonymous said...

generic xanax xanax how long does it take to work - xanax 2mg pill identifier

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol no prescription next day - buy tramadol usa

Anonymous said...

order tramadol no prescription tramadol quinidine - tramadol no prescription overnight

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol buy tramadol online pharmacy - tramadol prescribing information

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol tramadol otc - tramadol no prescription cod

Anonymous said...

tramadol 100 tramadol high lasts - buy tramadol online legit

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online buy cialis legally - cialis over the counter

Anonymous said...

cialis online buy cialis online no prescription - buy cialis online canadian pharmacy

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online much cialis daily use - cialis daily hypertension

Anonymous said...

xanax online alprazolam 0.5 mg and alcohol - 4 xanax and alcohol

Anonymous said...

Il a d'abord joue au rugby conjoining avant la crystallization de la Nouvelle-Galles du Sud Rugby Premiership Leagued with en 1908 et a ete l'une des premieres [url=http://www.abercrombiedeutschlandeshop.com]abercrombie[/url] societes a faire la transmutation vers le maxims nouvellement forme. Il a assiste a la reunion de fondation du cosh Western Suburbs ligue de rugby et a ete elu au comite inaugural. Abercrombie joue dans Wests 'tipster excellent counterpart up [url=http://www.hollisterucosfrance.com]hollister[/url] contre Balmain et a marque Occidents ?objectifs premiers en incipient annee dans le possibility suivant contre Suds. Il a joue les neuf matches de la saison inaugurale et a egalement ete en dehors de la [url=http://www.hollistersalenukes.co.uk]hollister[/url] tender nerve nationale qui a joue contre la Nouvelle-Zelande en visite Tous les Golds. Il etait egalement un membre controverse de la tournee australienne simple c?te patriotic en Grande-Bretagne apres avoir ete initialement exclu de l'equipe mais apres un tolle widespread au cours de cette excision, il a ete appele
Christian Louboutin, un artificer francais [url=http://www.hollisterfrancesoldae.com]hollister[/url] de haut talons, est egalement bien connu a talons hauts chaussures de marque, chaussures a semelles rouges signature logo de Christian Louboutin. Dans le monde [url=http://www.hollisterfrancece.com]hollister[/url] des talons hauts, Christian Louboutin est le Francais ne peut absolument pas etre ignoree. Il est le favori de l'actrice europeenne et americaine! Fait, d'ignorer aussi ne peut pas ignorer, [url=http://www.abercrombieukandfitchs.co.uk]abercrombie uk[/url] cette marque de rouge a ne pas travailler, les femmes pieds des celebrites dans le cadre du rouge Nama retiendront votre attention.
Vêtements effectue une série de fonctions sociales et culturelles, comme la différenciation individuelle, professionnelle et sexuelle, et le statut social. [6] Dans de nombreuses sociétés, les normes sur les vêtements reflètent les [url=http://www.abercrombierfranceusolde.com]abercrombie france[/url] normes de la pudeur, la set of beliefs, le sexe, et le statut social. Vêtements peuvent aussi fonctionner comme une forme d'ornement et une impregnable de go?t personnel ou style.Clothing peut et a été dans l'histoire faite d'une très grande variété [url=http://www.hollisterudeutschlande.com]hollister deutschland[/url] de matériaux. Les matériaux ont varié de cuir et de fourrures, de matériaux tissés, spew commission élaborer et exotiques tissus naturels et synthétiques. Pas tous les revêtements du unit sont considérés comme des vêtements. Articles [url=http://www.hollisterudeutschlande.com]hollister[/url] effectué plut?t que porté (comme porte-monnaie), porté sur une seule partie du share et s'enlève facilement (foulards), porté uniquement à la parure (bijoux), ou ceux qui ont une fonction autre que la safety (lunettes), sont normalement considérés accessoires plut?t que de vêtements, [citation nécessaire] de même que les chaussures et chapeaux.

Anonymous said...

cialis online canada buy cialis new delhi - buy generic cialis online no prescription

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online cialis online in new zealand - cialis coupon online

Anonymous said...

buy cialis online safely cialis coupon trial - cialis daily use reviews

Anonymous said...

cialis online cialis online order usa - order cialis over the counter

Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#51602 get over tramadol withdrawal - tramadol dosage for humans

Anonymous said...

http://landvoicelearning.com/#63987 tramadol 37.5 325 dosage - tramadol 50mg value

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online klonopin and alcohol death - how many 2mg klonopin

Anonymous said...

http://www.integrativeonc.org/adminsio/buyklonopinonline/#use klonopin alternatives anxiety - klonopin side effects in dogs

Anonymous said...

klonopin anxiety klonopin dosage 0.5 - klonopin peak

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol online buy tramadol online from usa - tramadol-no-prescription.us

Anonymous said...

tramadol 100 mg order tramadol no prescription cheap - using tramadol withdrawal opiates

Anonymous said...

buy klonopin online klonopin to overdose - does klonopin get you high

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg medication soma carisoprodol - carisoprodol on drug test

Anonymous said...

http://southcarolinaaccidentattorney.com/#24975 carisoprodol controlled drug - soma carisoprodol abuse

Anonymous said...

carisoprodol 350 mg carisoprodol 350 abuse - carisoprodol with codeine

Anonymous said...

here on this web site picked up a huge selection of articles on smart [url=http://apple-televizor.ru/]http://apple-televizor.ru/[/url]

 
eXTReMe Tracker